I'm Damn Proud To Be A Cat Lady

I've been called many names in my lifetime. Labels and teasing seem to be a regular part of the human experience for many of us and it's because of this that many of us seek consolation & acceptance in our animal friends. Respect and trust are earned first, then understanding follows. They do not judge, there are no slurs said or insults thrown - it's simply the purest form of existence: love.  It has taken me my whole lifetime thus far to not just accept but embrace and exude who I truly am: a cat lady (and damn proud of it)!

as I'm writing this - this is what my bed looks like

The fact is I'm 30, I'm single and I have (insert dramatic crescendo here) 6 cats. Besides the fact that there are far far worse things I could be, being a cat lady brings me happiness and joy. It is my bliss and I'm following it, basking in it, open-hearted, full steam ahead. This doesn't mean that I haven't met a certain amount of judgement, resistance and negativity from people (and even myself) but it does mean that none of that bothers me anymore. One of my heroes, Rupaul, wisely says "what other people think of me is none of my business" and as far as me buying that "spinster will die alone & cats will eat me" nonsense - that's just not in my budget. At the end of the day I'm not living my life to please anyone but myself and my Spirit.


If you talk to me for more than 5 minutes, chances are you will know something about my cats and my love for the feline species. Am I running up to random people and asking if they've accepted cats & kittens as their bliss and joy? No, of course not. Everyone has their own path in life, mine just happens to be filled with whiskers, cat fur and the occasional hair-ball. On a daily basis I'm around people who are not "cat people" and when they realize that I am, I tend to get one of several responses.

The most common response - people expect me to be crazy (like the cat lady from The Simpsons crazy). While I do possess a certain level of oddity and uniqueness, my home does not smell like cat pee, you will not find a "flat cat" under the sofa, I am articulate, bathed and do not throw random cats at people. I have human friends whom I hang out with on a regular basis. I do wildly "normal" things like go to the movies, shop at Trader Joe's and go on vacation.

The Simpsons - always good for a giggle ;)

The second most common response I get is: "me too!" though sometimes it's a "cat man." One thing I've noticed about us cat people is that we, like cats, can be quite guarded initially. However, once that guard is lowered, you will find that the majority of cat people are personable, trustworthy, kind and fun! Kind of like cats. ;)

Another response I get is 100% pure negativity. People will immediately start verbally disparaging cats in any and all ways, shapes & forms they can think of. On rare occasion, this is because of a horrible first hand experience with a cat, but most of the time it's simply because the person is not familiar will cats and has formed his/her opinion based on the crazy cat lady stereotype. Now, anyone with intelligence knows basing one's perspective of any group on a stereotype is ignorant, and as fellow cat person Mark Twain, once said "never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." So how do I respond to this sort of response? I don't. Most of the time I'll literally say "I'm walking away" and then leave. Someone who spews such negativity doesn't deserve my time or energy, nor do they merit an argument because I would only be engaging in the negativity myself. Besides, I'm not trying to "convert" anyone anyway.

With that said, if someone is maliciously cruel and physically abusive to ANY animal, you bet your ass I will say something - and do something. There are few things in this life that make me angry (I'm far from being short-tempered) but if you harm an innocent animal, may your God have mercy on you because chances are I will not. You know how mothers are fiercely protective of their young? That's me, except my children are animals. I'm going to interject a disclaimer here: I do NOT nor have I ever actively sought out animal abusers or the like. I'm simply saying that if one crosses my path, enters my life or I see it happening right in front of me - you better run and fast. I'm built like an Amazon, trained in the German broadsword, boxed for a number of years and will put my life on the line to save any animal's.

Alrighty now, let me get back to the topic here. There are, of course, other response that I get, but those are the most common. I am human and there are some times when the negativity will bother me, and that's when I ask myself why is it bothering me today? Why now? Sometimes it can be just because I'm having a tough day and feel vulnerable, sometimes it's because someone who I considered a friend said it, and sometimes it's because I'm just taking it personal when it's really not.

Throughout life, I've found that when someone insults or is negative to me, it quite often has little or nothing to do with me. It really has everything to do with them - I just happen to be the projection screen that day. So how do I deal with that? Well once I get past my fragile, ego-centric reaction and realize that it has nothing to do with me, I energetically blast them with love and kindness! I send them good juju because apparently, they need it! And of course when I go home, I hug my cats and soak-up their unconditional fuzzy love.

Now the stereotypes are there for a reason - albeit not a very fair one, but there are cat people who do embody that unfortunate persona. There are some films/shows that delve into this topic - the documentary "Cat Ladies" and subsequent TV show by the same name, and "Hoarders," explores the psychology and sometimes, psychosis, behind being a "crazy cat lady." Humans are fragile and without care, we break. After this break we have to ability to repair and rebuild, but we also have the ability to remain broken. I've seen this first hand with my Dad. He broke after my parents' divorce - to him, losing his family meant losing his world. He was a cat person too and while he didn't hoard excessive numbers of cats, just stuff, he did have cats that he wasn't able to properly care for - because he wasn't able to care for himself. I love my Dad, do not misunderstand that, and by the time he passed away we had a close relationship filled with love & support but it took him many years to realize that he needed help.

happier days, my Dad and his favorite cat Duke

 While he relied on me and his friend for said help, the months before his sudden death he prolifically shared with me his regrets and his pride in the woman I'd grown to become. He had seen me break in my own life & struggle through it. It wasn't until that struggle, did I (thanks to my Mom's suggestion) begin volunteering at the local animal shelter and discovered that's where my heart felt whole again.  My parents are both responsible for me finding my path in life. My Dad was always supportive of my eccentricities, introverted ways and affinity for felines and my Mom continues to be the wind at my back and shoulder to lean on whenever I need encouragement & solace. I honor where I come from by following my heart - so really, when you think about it, I honor my parents by helping cats.

Dad & me circa 1987

Mom & me circa 1993

I guess what I'm trying to say here is simply to be yourself. No matter what, don't let anyone or anything ever diminish your beauty - inside or out. Raise your flag and fly it! Be a dreamer, be a freak, be normal, be a dog person, be a cat person, be whoever you are when your heart is open and happy. Be you! And do not worry if you're not sure what that is yet! That is what life is for - figuring out what makes you happy and fulfills your soul. So don't be afraid to explore this world and anything that interests you - just get out there and do it. This is not always easy for me to do - I'm a natural introvert and homebody - but I can tell you with 100% positivity that every time I've done something new, and usually by myself, I've had a great time. I've learned so much about myself and realized just how important cats are to me and that I'm damn proud to be a cat lady.

yes, that is Yoda on my head - inspired by the great Colonel Meow
(who, if you don't know, is awesome - look him up on Facebook)

Own your flaws, they can be your best attributes.
Follow your heart, you will never be lost.
Embrace what makes you happy, for it is there you will find yourself.

and above all, "Be Excellent to Each Other!" -Bill S. Preston Esq. & Ted Theodore Logan "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure"

yours truly,

The Cat Advocate, Christina

Bringing Home Fuzzy

A new addition to the family is an exciting event. It can also be one of the most stressful times in that animal's life, and maybe even yours if you're not prepared. Everyone will have a different method of what works for them, but here's what's worked for me.


Are You Ready For Commitment?
 
First things first, bringing home a new fuzzy, or your first fuzzy, isn't a decision that should be taken lightly. This is a commitment that you cannot break. You are responsible for the life of another living being now and you have an obligation to that life to provide a safe, loving home. The very first thing you should consider when thinking of adding a pet to the household is how it will effect the existing humans & animals. Is your roommate okay with it? Is your landlord okay with it? Is anyone allergic? Does the pet you already have get along with other animals? Can you afford the costs (money & time) of caring for a new fuzzy? Is there a chance that you may be moving within the foreseeable future to a place that possibly won't allow animals? These are just a few questions you need to ask yourself and really evaluate before adopting.

Too many times I've seen people adopt an adorable little fuzzy and then months later decide they "just don't have time for it anymore" or "changed their mind" or better yet - "it's not cute anymore" (that one really gets my blood boiling). Animals are not an accessory to add to your wardrobe, nor are they toys to be given away or tossed aside when they get older/bigger. They are souls inhabiting fuzzy (or feathered or scaled) bodies that are willing to happily love you unconditionally 'til their last breath. You wouldn't throw away the baby with the bathwater because the water got dirty, so why would you abandon an animal because they behave like an animal. Adopting means bringing home a new baby, regardless of the age of the animal.

me circa 1989 with the first litter of kittens that I helped care for

The Adjustment Period 

Similar to having a baby, there will be a lot of things you may have to do differently. I call this the adjustment period. In my experience the adjustment period can be as quick as 5 minutes or as long as a year. The adjustment period isn't just the animal getting used to his/her new home but it also includes you adapting to your new life plus one.

Depending on your existing situation at home, the adjustment period may be short and sweet. For example, if you're introducing a new pet to a home where he/she is the only pet, then he/she has no other animal to meet, greet or establish rank with. On the other hand, if you're adding to a home with existing animals then you need to be prepared for the introductions. Animals naturally establish a hierarchy within their "packs" but the most important part of this hierarchy is that YOU are the Alpha.

You must be the leader of the pack, you must earn the respect of the pack in order for them to allow you to be the leader. Now, with that said, establishing yourself as Alpha can be a different process depending on what kind of animal you are working with - for cats, it's an ongoing process. The key is to be consistent - if they're not allowed on the counter, don't let them get away with it. They may understand this right away or they may not - it's all personality driven (kind of like dealing with a teenager). Give praise for good behavior, reprimand bad behavior and be patient! They're learning from you just as much as you are learning from them.

I've heard it said before that "Dogs have owners, Cats have staff" - I couldn't agree more. However, this doesn't mean that cats don't respect you nor do you work for them. It simply means that cats will consistently test your boundaries to see what is allowed. Once you establish boundaries, it's up to you to keep them - again, consistency is key. Just don't forget that you are not only physically bigger than the cat, their livelihood depends on you, and though at times they may act aloof - they're merely basking in the privileged life they live. A life that would be impossible without you - without your love and care.

The adjustment period also means house training (using the litter box, don't scratch the furniture, whether or not they're just indoor or indoor/outdoor, etc). I've never had problems getting a new kitten or cat to use the litter box. Make sure the box is easily accessible, preferably in a place where there's low foot traffic and no risk of the cat ever being shut off from it. Then, put the cat in the litter box, take their paw and gently dig into the litter with it. Basically - that's it; cats innately want to bury their waste (it's in their DNA from years as predators, covering their waste is how they ensured no other animal would be aware of their presence). If you find that your new cat is repeatedly missing the litter box or just flat out not using it, this is often a sign of a larger issue. It could be behavioral (was this cat a feral? is he upset about something? maybe she's stressed out about a recent change?) or it could be medical (is he struggling to produce any waste? this is a common, yet serious issue and should be addressed by a medical professional immediately).

Okay, so far you're Alpha and you've told them where they're going to relieve themselves. How do you introduce the new one to the old one/s? It all depends on personality. I've found that the transition goes most smoothly when I prep my existing animals ahead of time. I will literally have a conversation with them about a new kitten/cat coming home. I'll talk to them just like I'd talk to a fellow human, and I do this from the get-go, as soon as I decide to adopt a new fuzzy. When I do bring the new addition home, I like to have a special area for them set up AHEAD of time (you don't want to be scrambling around trying to set up a litter box, food bowls, toys, etc when the new fuzzy arrives).

Don't discount the unexpected but be sure you can handle it! I brought Yoda home without any planning. Luckily,  I had a lot  of experience from my 5 other cats. 

Right now I live in a small, one bedroom apartment so I've used my bathroom as the transition room. It's safe & small which reduces the intimidation factor of a foreign, unknown space to a cat. It's also easy to locate the new fuzzy if he/she has decided to seek comfort in the corner. There isn't a crawl space for them to get stuck in, no fridge for them to wedge themselves behind, and no dangerous items they could unintentionally hurt themselves with. (If you're thinking that this sounds a whole lot like baby-proofing, you're right - it basically is, except kittens' & cats' bodies are much more resilient and durable than a human baby's.)

I also recommend borrowing a toy from your existing animal and putting it with the new fuzzy. This will help them get acquainted with the scent of the other animal and when they meet for the first time, things won't be a complete shock. I'll shut the bathroom door if necessary (definitely if the new fuzzy is scared/ skittish) and more often than not, my existing cats have come over to sniff the door. They know there's another animal there (my cats also just hate closed doors) and want to investigate.

When I brought home Caerus (who was impounded from an abusive hoarder) he was terrified so I sat with him for a couple hours, comforting and holding him. He was still extremely stressed after a couple hours though - I knew he would need something special to lure him out of his shell before we progress onto full introductions to the rest of the family. Low and behold, that something special turned out to be shoelaces - magical, wonderful, chewable shoelaces! After that, he turned into a bounding, playful kitten - I had earned his trust and he was comfortable now. I figured I'd give him one more day solo in the bathroom but to my surprise he wouldn't let me shut the door. Instead, he strutted out into the middle of the living room, sauntered past the other 5 cats, stopped, sniffed the air, looked around, plopped down and stretched out.

Caerus playing tug of war with his fleece string toy

I stood back and watched. Loki (my oldest) approached, hissed and stood over Caerus. Caerus bowed his head and his ears went back. Loki sniffed him, mouth agape, and walked away. SUCCESS! Loki had established his dominance (he's my 2nd in command) and Caerus accepted his place in the hierarchy. From there, everyone else followed suit - except Wynnie, she's never liked another cat (and probably never will) but she just keeps to herself and everyone's happy.

monkey see, monkey do - baby Caerus mimics big brother Loki

Be Patient

Caerus was the one who I prepped for most since I knew he had endured severe trauma and was only 3 months old. I was ready for a much lengthier transition than what happened. As for bringing home my other cats, Loki didn't give me one problem and neither did Wynnie. With Lula & Wicket, the adjustment period was over just a quickly as it started (they were fortunate enough to be in excellent, loving foster care before I adopted) and Yoda seemed like he was ready to come home and play with the whole pack from the moment he saw me at the shelter.

Loki & Caerus (about 9 months old) pose for the camera

I've been very lucky with my cats - they all have their distinct personalities but all cohabit peacefully under one roof. The adjustment periods weren't difficult for me or them and I believe that is largely due to patience. I cannot emphasize enough just how important patience is. We as humans, do not naturally speak "cat" nor do cats naturally speak our language. It is during the adjustment period that we learn one another's language. Once we have broken that language barrier, we are able to communicate and from there things go smoothly and the transition moves forward. Keep in mind though, not everyone learns the same - some are quick studies, some are slow learners. Just be patient, don't give up, and honor your commitment to this animal.


The Really Fun Part

this is not my bed anymore, and I'm okay with that

Congratulations! You've all made it through the adjustment period. Now the really fun part begins. The part where you get to wake up to a myriad of paws on you, the part where you can never leave home without being somewhat covered in cat hair, the part where you open cans of food and scoop the litter box in exchange for unconditional love. Okay okay, those aren't necessarily the best parts but it all comes with the territory. Bottom line is to listen to your cat - they will speak to you with non-verbal signals. Learn from your cat - they will teach you more with one tail swish than some college courses ever will. Love your cat - and they will love you, no matter what.

to have a sweet little fuzzy rest happily in your arms - makes it all worth it

Sincerely,

The Cat Advocate, Christina


Have more questions? please comment below, check out my Facebook page The Cat Advocate, or email me at thecatadvocate@gmail.com.